Chapter 8 - THE GRAVE MATTEO WAS AFRAID TO VISIT
Matteo did not visit Elias’s grave until Liana asked him.
They had been dating eight months.
“Why?”
he asked.
“Because Nico’s third birthday is next week.”
He waited.
“And Elias would have been three the month after.”
Matteo understood.
Not completely.
Enough.
The cemetery was small.
No guards entered with them.
Daniel waited in the car.
Liana carried white daisies.
Elias’s stone was simple.
ELIAS JAMES GRAVES
BELOVED SON
Matteo stood several feet away.
Liana placed the flowers.
“Hi, baby.”
Her voice changed.
Matteo looked down.
He had attended funerals for men he knew.
Men he ordered protected.
Men whose families he compensated.
Nothing prepared him for a headstone this small.
Liana sat in the grass.
“I used to come every day.”
“How often now?”
“Once a month.”
“Do you feel guilty?”
“Yes.”
“For coming less?”
“Yes.”
He understood that kind of irrational loyalty.
“What would coming every day change?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why guilt?”
She looked at him.
“Since when are you emotionally sensible?”
“Expensive therapy.”
She laughed through tears.
Then:
“I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“Loving you.”
Matteo became still.
“Why?”
“Because I met you when I was barely alive.”
She looked toward Elias’s name.
“And you met me while terrified Nico would die.”
“What if this is just…”
“Trauma.”
“Yes.”
Matteo sat beside her.
“It might have started there.”
She looked at him.
“But?”
“I know what coffee you order.”
She frowned.
“What?”
“You hate raisins.”
“Reasonable.”
“You sleep with the television on when you study.”
“How do you know that?”
“You told me.”
“Oh.”
“You pretend not to like expensive restaurants but steal bites from my plate when mine is better.”
“That is wealth redistribution.”
He almost smiled.
“You panic before exams.”
“You call Mara every Sunday even when you're angry with her.”
“You stop talking when you miss Elias.”
“You chew your lip when you're about to disagree with me.”
He looked directly at her.
“I did not learn those things in the foyer.”
Liana cried.
Matteo continued.
“I don't love the woman who saved Nico.”
Her breath caught.
“I love the woman who annoys me on Tuesdays.”
That did it.
She kissed him.
Slowly.
No dramatic music.
No promise that grief was over.
Afterward, Liana rested her forehead against his.
“Elias is still part of me.”
“I know.”
“Bianca is still part of you.”
“Yes.”
“Nico does not call me Mom.”
“Unless he chooses something someday.”
“No pressure.”
“None.”
“And if this fails?”
Matteo’s old instincts would have rejected the possibility.
Instead:
“Then it fails.”
She laughed.
“That sounded terrible.”
“It was healthy.”
“Maybe.”
They stayed another hour.
Before leaving, Matteo placed one small toy car beside Elias’s flowers.
Liana looked at him.
“Nico chose it.”
“What?”
“He said the baby should have one.”
Liana covered her face.
Matteo almost apologized.
Then realized tears were not always damage.
May you like
He let her cry.
---
