Chapter 6 - In Chambers With Toby
Judge Henderson called a recess.
Toby’s advocate, Patricia Lowe, requested that he speak privately with the judge.
My parents were ordered to remain outside chambers.
My father caught my arm as I passed him.
This time, I looked down at his hand.
He let go.
“You have no idea what you’re doing,” he whispered.
“For once, I think I do.”
“He’s a difficult boy.”
“He’s fourteen.”
“You haven’t been here.”
That landed where he intended.
I had missed birthdays.
School concerts.
Ordinary Tuesdays when Toby might have needed someone to notice him.
My father leaned closer.
“You don’t get to disappear for years and come back playing mother.”
“No,” I said.
“I get to come back and listen.”
In chambers, Toby sat between Patricia and me.
A court reporter waited near the wall.
Judge Henderson took off her glasses.
“Toby, I understand you’re worried about what happens after you speak.”
He nodded.
“We’re going to discuss arrangements to keep you safe. You can ask for a break whenever you need one.”
He stared at his shoes.
I wanted to take his hand, but I waited.
Finally, he reached for mine.
“Dad said I had to sign something.”
“What kind of document?” the judge asked.
“About the house. He said it was what Grandpa wanted.”
“Did you sign?”
“No.”
His fingers tightened around mine.
“Grandpa told me never to sign anything I didn’t understand.”
The judge waited.
“He got mad,” Toby continued.
“Then Mom said I should stop making everything harder.”
My mother had always called silence peace.
I was beginning to understand what that peace had cost.
“Did your father hit you?” the judge asked.
Toby nodded.
“Has that happened before?”
Another nod.
“How often?”
“I don’t count.”
I felt my nails bite into my palm.
Beside me, Toby looked embarrassed.
As though he had admitted to bad grades.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
I turned toward him.
“For what?”
“Making you come home.”
That was when I broke.
Not loudly.
There was no speech, no dramatic collapse.
Tears simply ran down my face while I held his hand.
May you like
“You never have to apologize for that.”
For the first time all afternoon, he breathed deeply.
