Chapter 7 - VICTOR GOES INTO FINN’S ROOM
Finn climbed into my bed at 6:14 a.m.
“You stayed.”
“I promised.”
“Are you leaving today?”
“We’re going to talk about some changes.”
“That means yes.”
“It means I’m not disappearing.”
He studied me.
“Promise?”
“I promise I won’t disappear.”
At breakfast, Victor attempted pancakes.
The first was somehow burned and raw.
Finn poked it.
“It looks sick.”
I laughed.
Victor looked offended.
Then Finn laughed too.
Victor stared at his son as though he had forgotten that sound existed.
“Cereal,” I said.
“Agreed.”
Then Victor put down his coffee.
“I said something wrong last night.”
Finn stopped eating.
“I said Harper wasn’t family.”
“Yes.”
Victor looked at me.
Then Finn.
“I was wrong to decide that for you.”
My chest tightened.
Not she is family.
That would have been another decision.
“You get to decide who feels like family.”
Finn whispered:
“Harper.”
Victor nodded.
“Yes.”
“And you.”
Victor stopped breathing.
“You’re still family.”
His eyes filled.
“Even when I’m bad at it?”
Finn considered.
“You’re very bad sometimes.”
I covered my mouth.
Victor laughed.
Then Finn pointed his spoon.
“You have to come in my room.”
Victor froze.
“When?”
“When I’m scared.”
There it was.
The doorway.
The border he had refused to cross for three years.
Victor looked toward me.
I did nothing.
This was his answer.
“Okay.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Even sirens?”
Victor swallowed.
“Especially sirens.”
That afternoon, child therapist Dr. Miriam Cole met us.
Finn built a tower from blocks.
“What happens when you hear sirens?” she asked.
Finn knocked the tower down.
“My body thinks Mommy is dying again.”
Victor’s face changed.
“Did you see your mommy’s accident?”
“No.”
“Then how does your body know?”
Finn shrugged.
“Dad gets scary.”
Victor closed his eyes.
Dr. Cole didn’t rescue him.
Neither did I.
Victor finally said:
“That’s my fault.”
Dr. Cole corrected him gently.
“Some of it may be something you can change.”
Change.
Not punishment.
Victor looked at her.
“What do I do?”
She smiled.
“We start there.”
May you like
And for the first time in years, Victor Rossi stopped asking how to control fear.
He asked how to help his son live with it.
